Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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