he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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