cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
