why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
