She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A+ Viking dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
