Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
