hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
