they need to just BURY HIM!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize