weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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