if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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