I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
