I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize