toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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