Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
