better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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