mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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