I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
