At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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