so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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