Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
