We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
