I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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