It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
