Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You are a genius and a whore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
