What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
