Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need to calm my uterus...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize