What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
