He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
