ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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