if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
