So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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