i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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