I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
