Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
