Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
