the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize