Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
