I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
