There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My vagina is officially offended.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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