the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
