Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You ate ashes out of my bong
we're so committed to being not committed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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