Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
