Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Are my feet made of real feet?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize