At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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