5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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