yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
