toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The uberlube is also flammable
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
