Welp...herpes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
