Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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