She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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