My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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