it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
