it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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