so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
