I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
