Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
