I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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