I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
