I accidentally had phone sex last night
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
