let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
