id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
