I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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