Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
