You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
