she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
