i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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